Thursday, October 20, 2011


back in may, jamie and i went to europe. we did london and rome with a day in paris between the two. it had always been my dream to visit london and rome, and because of that, i was overwhelmed with unbelief while we were there. when we were in london i kept thinking, "oh my gosh, we're in london. this is so awesome. i can't believe we also get to go to rome.

(me hanging around the coliseum)

and when we were in rome, i kept thinking, "oh my gosh. we're in rome. this is so awesome. i can't believe we were just in london."

(westminster abbey)

i was thinking recently that these are exactly the thoughts i have about our kids. most days, i look at their pictures about a million times. i daydream about our baby boy and think about snuggling him and carrying him close to me in a sling and rocking him to sleep. then i remember, "oh my gosh. we also have a daughter!" so i daydream about our sweet girl and think about reading her books and practicing words and dressing her in cute clothes (don't worry, i dream about snuggling her too). then i remember, "oh my gosh. we have a son!" and so the cycle goes.

i know that one day, when these children are home, i will have days when i wonder why we chose to bring home 2 kids at the same time. but for now i love the overwhelming sense of joy i feel when i think about there being 2 of them.

a son and a daughter. a daughter and a son. i can't even believe it.

Monday, October 17, 2011

preparing a place

(forgive the ghetto shades and painter's tape)

this is our daughter's room. it's far from being done, but i have big plans. i'm almost done with the new paint job, and my next project is re-painting her bed. i found the perfect comforter on clearance at target and splurged on her first piece of wall art. for me, the rooms in our home are places for expressing the things that mean most to us. i've had a huge empty space on the wall of my living room for 2 years because i couldn't bear to hang something that didn't mean something to me. now, i long for our daughter to be surrounded by meaningful things, so i have labored to prepare a place for her that speaks of love, family, security, and faith. recently, i was reminded of jesus' words to his disciples in john 14:

“let not your hearts be troubled. believe in God; believe also in me. in my father's house are many rooms. if it were not so, would i have told you that i go to prepare a place for you? and if i go and prepare a place for you, i will come again and will take you to myself, that where i am you may be also."

later he promises:

"i will not leave you as orphans; i am coming to you."

since getting our children's referrals, i've been so aware of how the gospel story plays out in the adoption of children. it literally awes me. however, i had not (until this moment recently) noticed the beautiful parallel between preparing my daughter's room for her and jesus preparing a room for us. though i doubt jesus is as picky about paint colors and wall art as i am, the point is that he's not leaving us in all the muck that is this world. he's preparing a room for us so that we can be with him because we're a family.

for me, the tasks of preparing for my children to come home are now done with much more prayerful intention. my heart is so prone to wander from the truth, so weak in faith most of the time, that i need to be reminded that jesus is coming back for me. i pray that it's in those moments of preparing for my children that i know he is preparing for me. but i also pray that my children would know that they have a mommy and daddy preparing a place for them; and, more importantly, i pray their adoption would reveal to them the truth of the gospel so that one day they will claim with confidence that jesus is also preparing a place for them.