we are still adopting again.
i haven't written much about it, namely because there's not much to say. after deciding to pursue another adoption, we were in a holding pattern for a bit waiting to make sure one aspect of the children's circumstances wouldn't prevent them from being adoptable. after that issue got cleared up, i found out that i had another ovarian cyst. we went through all the emotions of last time where we had to wonder if i was going to get a cancer diagnosis (it's scary to find out you've got something abnormal growing anywhere in your body, but especially on your ovary). after meeting with a gynecological oncologist, we felt more confident that the cyst was benign, but we didn't get confirmation until after surgery last week. thankfully, the cyst was nowhere near as large as last time, so my ovary was preserved. the doctor told me i'm at a slightly increased risk to get another one of these cysts, but there's no correlation between the cysts and an increased risk of ovarian cancer.
honestly, a second cyst and a second surgery really put me in a funk in terms of "family planning." we knew we wanted to continue on with adoption, but suddenly, pregnancy seemed like an urgent thing. i knew it would be CRAZY around here if we transitioned three new kids to our family -- a newborn, an adopted toddler, and an adopted preschooler -- all within a short time of each other. i finally had to realize that God was sovereign over all of this -- that he knew when i met our children in uganda that i would face another surgery and the possibility of subsequent cysts after that (the doctor said a third cyst would merit a discussion about removing my ovary).
despite longing to experience pregnancy and knowing what it's like to have a baby from day one, i've always believed that the two children i already have (and the two who are waiting for us in uganda) are my children. there's not a hole in my heart that can only be filled by a biological child, and i don't feel like any less of a mother for not having birthed my children. so instead of making the decision to adopt AND get pregnant (which, at least for me, would have been a decision driven mostly by fear), we are continuing on with our adoption and will come back to the possibility of pregnancy later. as my husband so wisely (and gently) said to me, our calling to adopt didn't change just because the circumstances of our life and the plans we might have had for ourselves did.
so that's a little of my heart on all of this. once i get over the sheer exhaustion surgery has caused me, i'm going to get back to the grind of adoption paperwork. i'm hoping we'll start seeing some real forward motion once we get started on our home study.