going to ethiopia!

it's better late than never to say that we're leaving for ethiopia on january 3rd! our court date is on the 10th, but we're getting there a little earlier than is typical because of ethiopian christmas. the holiday will affect visitation hours at the transition home, so we're getting there in time to spend time with our children on the 5th and 6th. we are obviously thrilled to finally meet our children after years of being in this process (we began announcing our plan to adopt from ethiopia in march 2009, dossier was in ethiopia in february 2010), but it's also exciting that we'll be there for ethiopian christmas. if anyone is reading this who isn't familiar with the ethiopian adoption process, we won't be bringing our children home on this trip. even if we pass court, we still have to wait for the US embassy to review the cases and give its final approval (and it may take several times to pass court if documents aren't correct or if there are other issues). we would ask that people pray we pass court the first time. we obviously want both our kids to be receiving the love, care, and structure that only a family can provide ASAP, but our little boy is also very underweight and has some kind of GI infection.

this time last year, we had just been told by our case manager that we were next to receive a referral for unrelated children. our hearts were anxious to receive a call by christmas. little did we know that it would be another 9 months before our referrals came, months that were filled with frustration and anger and sadness. i like to think back on this time last year because the me of last year could not have imagined how it all would play out. while our baby boy was admitted to the orphanage in january 2011, our little girl wasn't admitted until june 2011. had we gotten the next referral as we'd been told, we would have missed out on these children who we know now beyond a doubt are supposed to be ours.

so i'm thankful for what happened last year even though it was a very hard place in our adoption. it gives me a point of reference to look back on and see how God has faithfully and sovereignly orchestrated all of this.

i don't get it

(for those wondering -- we should have gotten a court date last week, but we didn't. a document was apparently missing from our paperwork, though our agency's lawyer said it was submitted. it was re-submitted, and they told us it would be a few days before we heard back. we're hoping to hear by week's end.)

now for what i really came to say.

this week, i overheard a comment that essentially carried the tone of "God forbid you can't have a biological child, because then (gasp) you'd have to adopt." when i got over being annoyed that someone said this in earshot of me knowing that i'm adopting, i started thinking how confusing it is to me that people don't see adoption the other way around. the above statement implies that the only intrinsic value adoption has is to make someone a parent, albeit in a way that is (apparently) less desirable. it's a mostly negative statement that focuses primarily on the perceived rights of a person to have a child the way they want it, when they want it (as an aside: i don't mean to imply that it's wrong to desire biological children). what it fails to highlight is the glaring fact that when a child is adopted, they go from not having a family, to having a family; from being an orphan, to being a son or a daughter. it is a miracle, and i really wish our society could see it as such.

two.

back in may, jamie and i went to europe. we did london and rome with a day in paris between the two. it had always been my dream to visit london and rome, and because of that, i was overwhelmed with unbelief while we were there. when we were in london i kept thinking, "oh my gosh, we're in london. this is so awesome. i can't believe we also get to go to rome.

(me hanging around the coliseum)

and when we were in rome, i kept thinking, "oh my gosh. we're in rome. this is so awesome. i can't believe we were just in london."

(westminster abbey)

i was thinking recently that these are exactly the thoughts i have about our kids. most days, i look at their pictures about a million times. i daydream about our baby boy and think about snuggling him and carrying him close to me in a sling and rocking him to sleep. then i remember, "oh my gosh. we also have a daughter!" so i daydream about our sweet girl and think about reading her books and practicing words and dressing her in cute clothes (don't worry, i dream about snuggling her too). then i remember, "oh my gosh. we have a son!" and so the cycle goes.

i know that one day, when these children are home, i will have days when i wonder why we chose to bring home 2 kids at the same time. but for now i love the overwhelming sense of joy i feel when i think about there being 2 of them.

a son and a daughter. a daughter and a son. i can't even believe it.

preparing a place

(forgive the ghetto shades and painter's tape)

this is our daughter's room. it's far from being done, but i have big plans. i'm almost done with the new paint job, and my next project is re-painting her bed. i found the perfect comforter on clearance at target and splurged on her first piece of wall art. for me, the rooms in our home are places for expressing the things that mean most to us. i've had a huge empty space on the wall of my living room for 2 years because i couldn't bear to hang something that didn't mean something to me. now, i long for our daughter to be surrounded by meaningful things, so i have labored to prepare a place for her that speaks of love, family, security, and faith. recently, i was reminded of jesus' words to his disciples in john 14:

“let not your hearts be troubled. believe in God; believe also in me. in my father's house are many rooms. if it were not so, would i have told you that i go to prepare a place for you? and if i go and prepare a place for you, i will come again and will take you to myself, that where i am you may be also."

later he promises:

"i will not leave you as orphans; i am coming to you."

since getting our children's referrals, i've been so aware of how the gospel story plays out in the adoption of children. it literally awes me. however, i had not (until this moment recently) noticed the beautiful parallel between preparing my daughter's room for her and jesus preparing a room for us. though i doubt jesus is as picky about paint colors and wall art as i am, the point is that he's not leaving us in all the muck that is this world. he's preparing a room for us so that we can be with him because we're a family.

for me, the tasks of preparing for my children to come home are now done with much more prayerful intention. my heart is so prone to wander from the truth, so weak in faith most of the time, that i need to be reminded that jesus is coming back for me. i pray that it's in those moments of preparing for my children that i know he is preparing for me. but i also pray that my children would know that they have a mommy and daddy preparing a place for them; and, more importantly, i pray their adoption would reveal to them the truth of the gospel so that one day they will claim with confidence that jesus is also preparing a place for them.

very quickly

for all the adoption mommies (and any others) who don't already know: we got our second referral on friday! we prayed all week for little girl's last document to come through, and it did! she is 3 years old and beautiful. second medicals have been ordered for both children, and we're sending in the paperwork to officially accept the referrals for both kids tomorrow. please pray second medicals would come back quickly so that we can get in line for a court date.

time for a comeback

here is our REFERRAL day story part one (and some prayer requests, especially since we're expecting a referral day part 2)!

i want to say, if it's not already obvious, that we waited a really, really, really long time for a referral. i don't think the adoption process is a competition. it's a hard process for everybody no matter what your journey looks like. but after waiting 19 months just for a referral, the process really starts to wear you down.

last thursday night, i was sitting with our small group from church. we had laughed with each other that night and had a great discussion about 1 john and prayer and just struggling to live for God's kingdom. when it came time to share prayer requests, i told this group of people who has been walking alongside us and praying for our adoption for the past year that our adoption was causing me to ask lots of questions about my faith. i couldn't understand why God continued to allow children to live without families. i couldn't understand why God continued to allow babies to be born here but why he let orphans die in africa. i told them i didn't feel like God cared about me or them. i had gotten to the point where i just didn't want to pray and ask him to give us a referral because i felt like it didn't matter. "i'm at the point where i'm just ready to say, 'f*** it,'" i said.

and then i prayed to close the group and confessed our weaknesses as humans and just how freaking hard it is to be human and live in this world. and i thanked God for the laughter we'd experienced that night and for his gift of grace that makes it possible to become more like him and for allowing us to become his children. i left feeling renewed.

the next morning, i prayed for a referral as i have every morning for 19 months. the day progressed as it always had every day for 19 months. quite honestly, and i know everybody says this, i wasn't expecting to get a call that day. i went downstairs at lunch time to get something to eat (meatloaf and mashed potatoes...i want to remember that). and when i came back upstairs, i had a missed call and voicemail. i called back and the case manager told me about a 9 month old boy and a 3 year old girl. the little boy had all his papers, the little girl was missing one small non-legal document that the agency expected to get soon. "we can go ahead and make the boy's referral today or you can wait and receive the referrals together," she said. at this point, you would not have known that i'd waited 19 months for this to happen. i calmly called jamie and told him what was going on. he says i had on my professional voice (i also believe i was still chowing down on the meatloaf during our conversation). after seeking wise counsel, we decided to go ahead with the first referral since it really didn't make much sense not to.

and that's how we "met" our son for the first time! he is 9 months old and pure sweetness.

as i'm sure you noticed, we expect this story to have a second part. there is a 3 year old girl, and we pray she's our daughter. the agency was surprised the one missing document didn't get sent on friday. they believe it's been prepared by the orphanage and just needs to be emailed. please, please pray it gets sent this week. we are so ready to have our family together, and it seems she is the last missing piece of the puzzle. i would also ask for prayer for steps down the road. we are praying for a miracle in regards to a court date. our case manager said it will be near impossible to get a court date by the end of 2011, but will you pray it happens for us? will you also pray, assuming we get little girl's referral, that both cases stay together so we can bring our kids home at the same time? while we have certainly entered a new phase in this journey, it's not over yet.

it's war

right now, a battle is being waged.

i can tell you this because i'm in the middle of it.

i've heard every statistic about the global orphan crisis. i've read books about how poverty, poor healthcare, and ethnic conflict are leaving millions of children without families. i've heard stories from friends who lived in africa and know what it's like to bury a child who didn't live long enough to make it out of an orphanage. i've prayed for God to change a judge's heart so that a child wouldn't be forced back into a home filled with abuse and neglect.

but the battle between God's kingdom and the empire of this world has never been so clear to me than it is right now in our little adoption journey. people say adoption is hard -- the waiting is too long, too many uncertainties, too much money, too many ways that things can go wrong. they're actually right about a lot of that stuff, and i can see why people don't want to adopt. but let me say: in the almost 2.5 years we've been in this process, i've never been more convinced about how much adoption matters and how badly it's needed.

because seriously, there's a war going on for the lives of all 150 million orphans in this world. and the side of evil would love to see those children go unadopted. evil would take pleasure in seeing brokenness, emptiness, injustice, and turmoil reign rather than restoration, healing, redemption, and peace.

literally everything has gone wrong with our adoption in the last 6 months. we have experienced extreme disappointment, frustration, and grief. we have been angry with our adoption agency, which has essentially abandoned us and, at times, seemed to be fighting for the other side (apologies to those who have had good experiences with our agency, but we have had a terrible experience). despite everything that has happened, i can only conclude that this is a battle worth fighting because the attacks have been so unrelentingly harsh.

i want to tell all the skeptics out there who have pushed off adoption at every turn for one reason or another that we're at the point where logic would say give up, throw in the towel, it's just too hard. but something inside says, "no, keep fighting." and i'm reminded of this verse:

the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. -- exodus 14:14

and so, by God's grace and power, we will continue waging this very real war, hoping that others will join the fight with us.